Dear God

Dear God

“Little Whispers of the Heart”

This is my prayer and whispers.
The heart itself, is already drained.
Join me on this journey….

Dear God…

This is my heart’s desire;
To know you,
To love you.
To bask in your presence,
Now and forever.
But again, how?

I have called unto your mercy,
Because on my own,
I keep failing,
And it is tiring.

Remember when I failed you?
That guilt is still eating me up,

Can I have a touch of your love?
Because I am worn out already.

I have tried to forget about her,

Yet she still lingers in my heart,

Rising and setting like the sun.

Save me, please.

Yesterday, I made a profound promise,

Today, I have lost the interest,

How can I un-promise,

When it is about life and death?

I am afraid, that I will fail you again,

Because my flesh is much stronger,

Than the spirit,

Do you believe, I can ever win?

When I held her close, I knew she was mine,

I have now met another,

And I am afraid of infidelity,

Please don’t let this beauty dupe me.

I am afraid, that this heart can’t serve two master:

As time goes by, I am already losing you, God.

I am 28-29 years old:

This confusion is causing me chaos,

Soon, I shall be 30 years old.

Still confused about my life.

Why was I born?

Tell me my purpose,

Or I shall continue to wallow,

In the oceans of lost souls.

Please heal my mother,

I am tired of seeing her tears,

Flow like the waters of Indian Ocean.

I told my friend lies, so they could leave me alone,

However, inside my little heart,

I want them close like never before.

She was beautiful and adorable,

Yet I hurt her and broke her innocence,

Now I am alone, wishing I had controlled my tongue.

I have tried since I was 20,

To wake up in the wee of the night,

To seek your face,

Yet the darkness robs me of that desire.

I have seen my aunt weep in pain,

Because her troubles are infinite,

Yet I keep laughing at her tears,

Because I never want her to know that I care.

I want to ask you questions,

Yet I wonder, will you ever answer me,

Because I feel I am betrothed,

To the throne of sin.

I have been waiting for that one miracle,

Years are going, now I am so tired,

Should I keep on?

Will you ever heal my aunty?

Her tears are too much,

I can’t keep collecting them anymore.

I dreamt of a beautiful future,

Yet every day, I only witness tears,

Will it ever be possible?

For the last two weeks, I have been kneeling down,

While my face, drowns in solace,

I want love.

I want affection.

Now I can’t stand.

I am trying to let go of my past pains,

But every time I try, the faces of my torturers,

Stand before me and mock me.

I love her, yet she makes it difficult,

For this love to grow,

I can’t hurt her, yet she tortures me.

How do I free myself?

I saw myself rising like a star,

Making the world a good place,

Yet when I woke up,

I kept hurting everyone around me.

Is my salvation not yet?



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Regards, Coyalita

Behavioral Health Rehabilitative Specialist & Addiction Counselor

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