Dear God

“Little Whispers of the Heart”

This is my prayer and whispers.
The heart itself, is already drained.
Join me on this journey….
-Boygene

Dear God…

This is my heart’s desire;
To know you,
To love you.
To bask in your presence,
Now and forever.
But again, how?

I have called unto your mercy,
Because on my own,
I keep failing,
And it is tiring.

Remember when I failed you?
That guilt is still eating me up,

Can I have a touch of your love?
Because I am worn out already.

I have tried to forget about her,

Yet she still lingers in my heart,

Rising and setting like the sun.

Save me, please.

Yesterday, I made a profound promise,

Today, I have lost the interest,

How can I un-promise,

When it is about life and death?

I am afraid, that I will fail you again,

Because my flesh is much stronger,

Than the spirit,

Do you believe, I can ever win?

When I held her close, I knew she was mine,

I have now met another,

And I am afraid of infidelity,

Please don’t let this beauty dupe me.

I am afraid, that this heart can’t serve two master:

As time goes by, I am already losing you, God.

I am 28-29 years old:

This confusion is causing me chaos,

Soon, I shall be 30 years old.

Still confused about my life.

Why was I born?

Tell me my purpose,

Or I shall continue to wallow,

In the oceans of lost souls.

Please heal my mother,

I am tired of seeing her tears,

Flow like the waters of Indian Ocean.

I told my friend lies, so they could leave me alone,

However, inside my little heart,

I want them close like never before.

She was beautiful and adorable,

Yet I hurt her and broke her innocence,

Now I am alone, wishing I had controlled my tongue.

I have tried since I was 20,

To wake up in the wee of the night,

To seek your face,

Yet the darkness robs me of that desire.

I have seen my aunt weep in pain,

Because her troubles are infinite,

Yet I keep laughing at her tears,

Because I never want her to know that I care.

I want to ask you questions,

Yet I wonder, will you ever answer me,

Because I feel I am betrothed,

To the throne of sin.

I have been waiting for that one miracle,

Years are going, now I am so tired,

Should I keep on?

Will you ever heal my aunty?

Her tears are too much,

I can’t keep collecting them anymore.

I dreamt of a beautiful future,

Yet every day, I only witness tears,

Will it ever be possible?

For the last two weeks, I have been kneeling down,

While my face, drowns in solace,

I want love.

I want affection.

Now I can’t stand.

I am trying to let go of my past pains,

But every time I try, the faces of my torturers,

Stand before me and mock me.

I love her, yet she makes it difficult,

For this love to grow,

I can’t hurt her, yet she tortures me.

How do I free myself?

I saw myself rising like a star,

Making the world a good place,

Yet when I woke up,

I kept hurting everyone around me.

Is my salvation not yet?

READ MUCH MORE INSIDE…

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Regards, Coyalita

Behavioral Health Rehabilitative Specialist & Addiction Counselor